John Hanson

John Hanson
“First” First Through Eighth Presidents
Served November 5, 1781 – November 15, 1788

Born: April 14, 1721 in Port Tobacco, Maryland
Died: November 22, 1788 in Prince George’s County, Maryland
Favorite Ink Color: Black

Before the adoption of the Constitution, the United States was held together as one country by the Articles of Confederation. In the system set up under the Articles, Congress elected a president to individual one year terms, but the president had no power whatsoever but a ton of paperwork, so no one wanted the job. No one besides Maryland businessman John Hanson.

John Hanson was not so much intrigued by the aspect of being a powerless figurehead, but suffered from an addiction to snorting ink and the temptation of a never-ending supply was too great. He was elected as the first President on November 5, 1781. In the autumn of 1782, Congress was in disarray because Presidents could only serve one term, and John Hanson was the only man who actually wanted the job and was about to end his term. On the day of the election a man who had John Hanson’s exact frame, disposition and waistcoat, but also a huge ridiculous mustache showed up calling himself Elias Boudinot and declared his intention to run for President. Everyone in Congress knew it was John Hanson in an awful disguise, but no one said anything and elected “Elias” to the Presidency so that no one else would have to do it.

Every year Hanson appeared at the end of his term in a new persona, and was elected President each time with no opposition. One year, he masqueraded as the then-ailing Founding Father John Hancock by just holding a feather quill in front of his face. Most Congressmen agreed that was an off-year for Mr. Hanson.

Eventually, it was decided that the Articles of Confederation was not an effective governing document, and was replaced with the Constitution and a presidency with actual powers. The presidency under the Articles ended, and our “first” first through eighth President retired from public office, and died shortly after from substance withdrawal.

The “First” First Through Eighth Presidents

Preceded by ???
Succeeded by George Washington