Grover Cleveland

Grover Cleveland^†
Twenty-Second President
Served March 4, 1885 – March 4, 1889
Party: Democratic

Born: March 18, 1837 in Caldwell, New Jersey
Died: June 22, 1892 in Chicago, Illinois
Favorite Precious Metal: Gold^†

Grover Cleveland gained national exposure for his tough-but-honest politics as Governor of New York.^† When he ran against Republican James G. Blaine^† in 1884, Blaine supporters brought allegations of an illegitimate child, to which Cleveland directed his staff to “Tell the truth.”^† As happens with many honest politicians, when they arrive in Washington, they lose their way. So was the case of President Grover Cleveland.

Grover Cleveland started his term as President honestly, pushing reforms in the structure of the federal government^†, limiting government expenses by frequently vetoing bills from the Republican controlled Congress^†. His serious attention to his job as President was compromised when the army presented him with an exact clone of himself on his fiftieth birthday.

With an exact duplicate, President Cleveland more and more frequently left pressing matters of state to his clone, while he enjoyed extended fishing and hunting trips that lasted for weeks at a time. During the campaign of 1888, Cleveland’s clone campaigned across the country while Grover Cleveland enjoyed an extended European vacation. Despite winning the popular vote in 1888, Benjamin Harrison received more Electoral College votes, leaving Grover Cleveland jobless.^†

Four years later, Grover Cleveland was more determined than ever to retake the presidency, and with the help of his clone and careful planning by his political team, he and his clone were able to cover twice as much ground campaigning as any of the other Democratic nominees for president. All seemed to be going well up to the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, Illinois in June of 1892.^† Grover Cleveland was virtually guaranteed his party’s nomination, but by an ill-fate of luck, Adlai Stevenson^†, Grover Cleveland’s vice-presidential-running-mate-to-be stumbled upon the former president and his clone in a back room. Not having been informed that a clone of Grover Cleveland existed, Adlai reacted to the discovery as any normal person would: by pulling out a gun and shooting the impostor. Sources say Stevenson demanded to known something only the real Grover Cleveland would know. Sadly, in order to properly to mimic the President, Grover Cleveland’s clone had been relentlessly drilled on every aspect of Grover Cleveland’s life to the point that his clone actually knew more about Grover Cleveland than Grover Cleveland himself knew (specifically, both his grandmothers’ maiden names).

Grover Cleveland’s remains were secretly discarded in the foundation of a construction site (both common occurrences in Chicago, construction sites and secretly discarded bodies), and his clone assumed his life with the American public none the wiser.

Preceded by Chester A. Arthur
Succeeded by Benjamin Harrison