Yearly Archives: 2011

First Memory

My very first memory is of the Pacific Ocean. I can still remember the clumps of long green grass lining the twisting sandy path to the beach. It’s that path that I actually remember. It was from there that you could first see the ocean and its wide expanse.

I remember seeing it walking down the path. I remember seeing it returning up that same path as the day was ending. The ocean was a deep purple. The sky was pink.

It has been nearly twenty-five years since I last beheld the Pacific with my own eyes. Someday I will again.

Posted in 101 word short story, autobiographical | Leave a comment

Ghosts from 1964

“It’s cursed,” we were warned. Tragic death tends to curse a place, I guess.

Half a century ago the path among the trees was lined with lights and attractions. Now it was like a shrine to simpler times, a grove dedicated to a distant past, a graveyard of happiness.

The skeletal remains of The Red Cyclone still remained, though most of it was rusted and rotten. We walked along the tracks as far as we could go. In the crisp morning air, among the mists clinging to the damp ground, ghosts from 1964 still were weeping for lives cut disastrously short.

Posted in 101 word short story | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Parable of the Crosswalk

“It’s not safe to cross,” he said with unwavering rigidity. “You will need to wait a minute.” His face was cold, uncaring.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Heather said with lips pursed, head bobbing, and finger pointed to the sky. “I do what I want, and no man will tell me otherwise.” Heather proceeded into the street, the palm of her hand outstretched toward the rude man. “I do what I want,” she repeated.

Heather was hit by an oncoming city bus.

Moral of the story: Always follow high authority figures, like crossing guards. It could save your life.

Posted in 101 word short story | 2 Comments

Avant Garde Macaroni

“Is there a problem?” the waiter asked.

“I ordered the Avant Garde Macaroni at fifty bucks a bowl, and you gave me Kraft Macaroni and Cheese™!”

The waiter chuckled, “I assure you, sir, that is not Kraft. This macaroni was made with the finest ingredients money can buy.”

The patron hesitantly tasted the pasta in front of him again just to make sure he was not mistaken somehow. “It tastes like cardboard and powered cheese!”

“Of course it does! Do you know how hard it is to make fresh ingredients taste like cardboard and powered cheese? The chef is a genius!”

Posted in 101 word short story | 2 Comments

Arkansas River Blues

It’s been weeks since the river was actually a river. Right now it is just a string of occasional large puddles separated by tall grasses growing in the depression of an otherwise flat and continuous plain.

Two children holding tadpole nets walk down what used to be the center of the river, looking for one of the few remaining puddles that still contains aquatic life.

A man with a bucket full of fish-food rides his bike from one puddle to the next, distributing the store-bought pellets as he sees fit. “Just trying to do my part,” he says as he passes.

Posted in 101 word short story, autobiographical | Leave a comment

De- End to Dis-

Arthur Smalley had always been a pessimist, disgruntled and dejected. He did not take care of his appearance either and was always disheveled. His mind was worse, always getting discombobulated by the simplest things.

But today Arthur was going to change all of that. Today he would dismantle his life and mantle it back again.

Arthur started with mind exercises to combobulate his brain. Then he ironed his clothes and sheveled his hair and left for work a new man. With resolute determination he greeted everyone with a gruntled “Hello.” By the end of the day he was optimistic, feeling jected.

Posted in 101 word short story | 1 Comment

Re-Brief Conceits XIV

Buffets and GenocideBuffets and Genocide – May 31, 2011

Think for YourselfThink for Yourself – October 8, 2010

The Unwitting Badgey Artist Part 2The Unwitting Badgey Artist- Part 2 – September 3, 2009

Posted in classic posts | Leave a comment

The Shrine

Jill rushed back into the room. “I forgot my keys—is that a picture of my boyfriend?”

Haylea glanced over to the delicately framed picture of Sam with Jill’s face crudely cut out surrounded by a thousand intricately placed candles. “Yyyyyyes.” She said hesitantly.

“Why did you build a shrine to my boyfriend?” Jill asked.

“I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s a cool guy.” Haylea folded her arms and raised her eyebrows in defiance.

“The big deal is he’s my boyfriend. Also, how did you set this up so fast? I was only gone like twenty seconds.”

“I had it set up a while ago. It’s been underneath the large sheet on my side of the room.”

Jill blinked with confusion. “You had a sheet covering over the shrine?”

“Yeah, for about the past week,” Haylea said.

“I’m not very observant, I guess…”

Haylea pursed her lips. “No. No you’re not.”

“Okay,” Jill said closing the door behind her, “Have fun with your shrine.”

“Kay.”

A few seconds later Jill reentered the room finding Haylea wearing a ceremonial mask (Sam’s face with eye-holes cut out). “Still forgot my keys.” Jill picked them up and hurried back out. “Bye.”

Posted in other short stories | Leave a comment

The Dig

Finally, the digging was over. Thirty-three graves in one night. It was a new record.

“What’s the haul for this evening, gentlemen?” Cigar embers gave Mason’s face a demonic red glow.

“Twenty-seven wedding rings, thirty fillings, two gold teeth, five watches, twenty-two slightly used tuxedos in various sizes . . .” Giraldo monotonously rattled off the list.

Mason grinned, chewing slightly on his almost nonexistent cigar. “Excellent.”

“Sure doesn’t seem like it’s worth all the effort of digging up graves,” Malarkey, one of the new guys, grumbled as he wiped the sweat off his brow.

A large meaty hand latched onto Malarkey’s throat. Mason’s eyes twitched, “Do you know how much they get you on tuxedo rentals nowadays? It’s highway robbery!”

“Okay, okay,” Malarkey gasped, “Sorry I said anything.”

“I detest robbery,” Mason continued, “It’s disgusting what people will do nowadays for just a few more bucks.”

Posted in five minute fiction | Leave a comment

Momentary Lapses into Sanity now available on Amazon!

MLIS on Amazon

My collection of short stories and illustrations, Momentary Lapses into Sanity, is now available to purchase on Amazon. This book contains 125 short stories, over 70 illustrations, and FIVE Tyrannosaurus rexes! That’s FOUR more than Jurassic Park! And I haven’t even mentioned the time travel, aliens, romance, a cookie-loving rhinoceros, and so much more!

Posted in announcement | Leave a comment