Eric’s Journey of Enlightenment: Spirit Guide

“You are meant for great things,” said a voice in the desert on the seventh day of my meditation.

“What are you?” I asked.

“Your spirit guide,” it explained.

“No, I mean, what are you?”

“I-I’m a tapir,” Tapir the spirit guide said.

“What’s a tapir?”

“A South American mammal.”

I stared blankly.

“Look,” said Tapir, “Are we going on this journey of spiritual enlightenment or not?”

“I think I’ll wait for a better animal,” I said.

“Whatever!” Tapir disappeared into the desert night.

“I don’t believe I’m suited to this environment,” Manatee said flopping in the sand the next day.