Monthly Archives: August 2009

Amelia

Posted on August 31, 2009 by Eric

“Stop looking to the sky, Amelia. Your head shouldn’t be up in the clouds.”

“One day I am going to fly,” Amelia whispered, but loud enough to be heard.

“Don’t be silly,” her father said, “It’s not in a penguin’s nature to fly. We swim.”

“But are we not birds?” Amelia quipped back. “It seems that maybe we just don’t try hard enough, or we don’t dream big enough. Is all life just swimming and eating fish?”

Amelia’s father was visibly confused, “What more could there be than swimming and eating fish?”

Amelia sighed, “I will fly one day. You’ll see.”

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Confidence

Posted on August 30, 2009 by Eric

“I just don’t know, Helen. I’m finally going on a date with Rachel, and I’m just a bunch of nerves,” Edward said. “Look at my hands. Look at them! They’re totally drenched in sweat!”

“Calm down, Ed,” said Helen straightening Edward’s tie, “and stand still! Everything will be fine.”

Edward furiously wiped his hands on his shirt. “I think—I think they’re getting sweatier! How is that even possible?”

Helen sighed, “Ed. You are definitely not going to impress her if you keep fretting about this date. Remember that confidence is sexy. Trust me.”

“Then I am the UNSEXIEST man alive!”

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Happiness

Posted on August 29, 2009 by Eric

Gerald calmly sipped his rooibos tea and flipped through the Literature section of the newspaper to give the impression that he was cultured. In reality he longed for a root beer float, a copy of The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman, and an mp3 player playing One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head on a continuous loop. It also just so happened that Rusty sat down with just that combination of articles.

“We leave our happiness at the door here,” Gerald said pointing to the sign which read: No Happiness Allowed. No Exceptions.

Rusty walked away abject but happy.

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Gene

Posted on August 28, 2009 by Eric

Carol had died the night before. It was expected, but still no easier on Gene.

“Sixty-three years, eight months and thirteen days,” Gene said in almost a whisper, “That’s how long ago I married that little girl.” He kept clasping and unclasping his hands.

“The strangest thing,” he continued, “I was in bed this morning. Didn’t want to get up. And I heard her like she was standing right there, ‘What are you doing, Gene? You can’t stay in bed all day!’ And she was standing in the doorway. Clear as day. Saw her again in her chair. It was her.”

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Based on a True Dream I Had

Posted on August 27, 2009 by Eric

The test came on two sheets. One sheet had the questions followed by a blank to fill in the answer. The other contained the multiple choices for each question.

Josh tried laying each sheet side-by-side, but the miniscule desk proved it impossible. Instead he was forced to flip back-and-forth between sheets.

Several minutes passed before Professor Samura jumped up from his desk, “Sorry everyone. I seem to have given you the wrong answer sheet.” He passed out the correct sheet.

Everyone groaned.

Fifteen minutes later Professor Samura jumped up again. “I seem to have also given you the incorrect question sheet.”

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Repeat the Title Over and Over

Posted on August 26, 2009 by Eric

“Yes!” Kevin exclaimed as he cranked up the car radio. “I love this song.”

“What is it?” asked Brian.

“Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners. You know, I am pretty sure that I do not understand about 93% of what they’re singing. I try to sing along, but it just comes out in mumbles.”

“You could just sing ‘Come on Eileen’ over and over, and at least you would be right every once in a while.”

“This is true. I still love it though.” Kevin sighed. “One day I’m going to google this song and find out what it’s about.”

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Dear Person at the Wal-Mart Parking Lot

Posted on August 25, 2009 by Eric

Dear person at the Wal-Mart parking lot,

What’s your deal?

You stopped in the parking lot lane, and waited for me to load my car before I even reached it.

Didn’t you notice five cars behind you waiting to leave? Didn’t you notice the parking space about twenty feet further back you could have used instead of waiting on me?

There are always people like you in Wal-Mart parking lots! I can’t stand it!

That’s why I walked back into Wal-Mart after loading my car. I didn’t need anything else. I just didn’t want to reward your bad behavior.

Sincerely,
~Eric

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Peer Pressure

Posted on August 24, 2009 by Eric

“Hey, Timmy, let’s ramp our skateboards off Dead Man’s Bluff!” said Jordan.

“My parents told me not to, but okay.”

“Wait, Timmy!” said Grusto the Puppet as he popped up from behind the wall the boys happened to be standing beside. “Just because Jordan wants you to do something doesn’t mean you should. That’s called ‘peer pressure’ and you shouldn’t give in.”

“I shouldn’t do things just because someone tells me to?” Timmy pondered the situation. “Then I shouldn’t listen to my parents’ ‘peer pressure’ and go with Jordan!”

“Thanks, Grusto!” both boys said in unison then ran off.

“No, wait!”

~~~
More episodes of Grusto the Puppet!

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One Sentence Story Collection VIII

Posted on August 23, 2009 by Eric

One Sentence Story Collection VIIIThe other spacemen didn’t let poor Spaceman Ned join in any spaceman games possibly because his oxygen level indicator glowed red.

Pastor Sciutto arrived at the wake dressed as a Ghostbuster, “I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!”

A Confederate flag fluttered on top of a dirty beat-up truck that was so old it was probably from the Civil War itself.

I sit beside the mailbox waiting for a reply that I am not sure will ever arrive.

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Learning Patience

Posted on August 22, 2009 by Eric

“Long have the gods looked favorably on our small town of Beginning Area.”

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Hero. “Does this have any relevance to the quest?”

“No. This is just scene-setting, or ambiance if you will. It’s to give the world a deeper and richer atmosphere,” explained NPC. “This isn’t just some silly game. This is art!”

“Boring! Do not want! Skip! Skip! Skip! A Button! A Button! A Button!”

“But then— And— All the— Then— We have— Do you want to hear this again? Yes- Press A. No- Press B. Long have the gods looked favorably—”

“Noooooooo!”

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