Monthly Archives: June 2009

Live Your Own Life

Posted on June 30, 2009 by Eric

“I can’t,” she pushed him away and turned on her heels, but could not seem to leave.

“Why not?” he asked. Things had been going so well up to this point.

“I just can’t, okay?” she turned back and looked at him with a half-smile, her eyes holding back a cascade of tears. “We just can’t be. It just wouldn’t work.”

He stared deep into her watery eyes, “How can you know before we even begin?” His voice slightly cracked as he said it.

“They won’t let us,” she whispered through sobs.

“Just for tonight, why not live your own life?”

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Side Effects May Include Delirium

Posted on June 29, 2009 by Eric

“Forgive me, Lipitor, for I have sinned against thee. I have partaken in food that I knew would raise my bad cholesterol. The temptation was just too great for me. But, O Great Lipitor, if thou art designed to lower my cholesterol, then why must I still be bound to this restrictive diet? Hast thou not lowered my cholesterol already? Dost thou not care that I suffer daily as I watch everyone around me eat whatever they wish? Should I not be allowed an indulgence here and there? Couldst thou just look the other way, if thou knowst whatst I’m sayingst?”

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One Sentence Story Collection II

Posted on June 28, 2009 by Eric

I have begun using my Twitter account (found at http://twitter.com/briefconceits) to post one sentence stories, which is actually something I started this blog off with all the way back in April of last year. So I decided to catalogue my one sentence stories that I post on Twitter up here as well. So follow me on Twitter if you want to get these before everyone else! (Tantalizing!)

RXF77-9T had finally felt the emotion that had surprisingly become rather common among the robots of the future; RXF77-9T knew love.

As unspeakable evils spewed forth from the dimensional rift, Dr. Edward Samburg realized this might stymie his chances at a Nobel Prize.

A red cape with an ‘S’ will turn even the smallest boy into a mighty superhero.

The bag of coffee grounds was empty this morning, heralding the day my coffee addiction would finally kill me and everyone I loved.

A hauntingly beautiful song echoed through the still night air, and the children obediently heeded its call, marching to the cemetery.

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Typical Sitcom

Posted on June 27, 2009 by Eric

“You’ve got to help me, Jeff! I finally have a date with Rachel, the girl I’ve been pining over for the last fifteen minutes, but I just remembered that I have to make the winning touchdown at the football game! And I’m supposed to be at both tonight!”

“Woah! Slow down there Speedy Gonzales,” Jeff smirks at the camera to canned laughter, “I know how to fix everything.”

“You do?”

“Yeah! With the help of NBA All-Star Yao Ming!”

Yao enters to enthusiastic applause and cheers. “I cameo,” he says and leaves.

“How was that supposed to help?”

“Do what now?”

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Krispy Kremes- Part 3

Posted on June 26, 2009 by Eric

Continued from “Krispy Kremes” and “Krispy Kremes- Part 2.”
~~~

I quickly snagged a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I needed to find out if I was indeed in an alternate universe where opposites were true.

I gave the cashier an uneasy look. She smiled and was friendly; another indication I was not in my universe. I handed her a twenty dollar bill from my own universe. She took it without notice. I made my escape to my car.

I couldn’t wait to get home. I tore open the box grabbed a doughnut and ripped into it.

I was still in my own universe where everything was as it should be.

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The Case of the Death of Shamrock O’Malley- Part 2

Posted on June 25, 2009 by Eric

Continued from “The Case of the Death of Shamrock O’Malley.”
~~~

“Come in,” Professor Montgomery said as Shamrock and I entered his office, “I have an appointment with a student in thirty minutes, so can we get to the point?”

“Fiend!” Shamrock O’Malley cried, “Indoctrinating the youth! Does your evil know no bounds?”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t play coy with me,” O’Malley grabbed Montgomery by the shirt collar, “Tell me where the giant-space-laser controls are!”

“Shamrock,” I shouted, “This is preposterous! Even if this man were as evil as you say, how is a ‘giant-space-laser’ even possible? Maybe it’s time to give up these crazy conspiracy theories.”

“Et tu, dear Walton? Et tu!?“

To be continued . . .

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O’Malley

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Tehran Seen Through Internet Video

Posted on June 24, 2009 by Eric

The streets are lined
In green and black
A tear falls
No turning back
Teargas and fire
The streets are crying
Gunpowder and blood
The children dying
Or stolen away
In dark of night
Chants grow louder
No end in sight
Somewhere in Tehran
A mother’s bitter cry
Her son she’s seen
For the last time

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The Case of the Death of Shamrock O’Malley

Posted on June 23, 2009 by Eric

It saddens me, dear reader, that I must now recount to you what will be the final case of the late Shamrock O’Malley.

Shamrock was convinced the evil Professor Montgomery (Professor of Home Crafts and Rainy-Day Activities at Victorian England Community College (VECC)) had set in motion a series of minor distractions to obscure his plans to destroy the earth via giant-space-laser. I asked Shamrock what a “laser” was, and he said, “Elementary, my dear Walton,” and nothing more.

We arrived at Montgomery’s office during his specified office hours (3-5 PM Tuesdays and Thursdays). He was waiting for us.

To be continued . . .

~~~
More cases from the files of Shamrock O’Malley

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Krispy Kremes- Part 2

Posted on June 22, 2009 by Eric

Continued from “Krispy Kremes.”
~~~

I had apparently stepped into an alternate universe where opposites were reality. I had come to this realization after having encountered a woman who said Krispy Kremes sucked; a statement being scientifically, objectively, and verifiably false in the universe I knew and loved and longed to return to.

“I’m getting ahead of myself,” I said to myself, “I must test my hypothesis.” There was the slim chance this woman was merely insane, though unlikely, because even the most mentally unstable of individuals should be able to recognize the excellence that is the Krispy Kreme doughnut. Perhaps all was not entirely lost.

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Sandy

Posted on June 19, 2009 by Eric

This isn’t right. I can’t put my finger on it, but something feels oddly out of place.

Sandy sat motionless and contemplated what could possibly be wrong. Then it suddenly hit her.

“I don’t remember taking a bite from this cookie!” She proclaimed loudly while waving it about in broad gestures. “Did anyone see me take a bite out of it?”

Everyone else at the table stared dumbfounded at Sandy.

“I’m serious!” Sandy continued, “This is really bugging me! Did any of you see me take a bite out of this?”

“I diffn’t fee uh fing,” crumbs tumbled down Jamie’s chin.

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