Alvin the Alien

Hirglaz sighed as another human came up to the Occupation Complaints Bureau desk. The placard read “Alvin.” Leadership up top said that humans were 7.3 percent more willing to cooperate with Earth’s conquerors if they took human names.

“Yes?” Hirglaz said to the ugly human (in truth, all humans were ugly).

“Well, Mister Alvin, the Torizzian deathships that enforce the sunset human curfew make this humming noise, and it keeps me up at night.”

“And what do you want me to do?”

“Well, I was hoping all you aliens might just leave Earth, maybe?”

“No.”

“Well, it was worth a try.”